To have loved and lost…

Today is Valentine’s Day and I have plenty of memories associated with this day, both good and bad. Twenty-four years ago, I asked my first crush to be “my girl”. Twenty-two years ago, I broke up with my first crush because she was interested in someone else. Twenty-one years ago, I fell in love with a girl who I just knew was going to be “The One”. Twenty-and-a-half years ago, she decided to hang out with someone else. Eighteen years ago, I asked this beautiful girl (and Aggie fanatic) to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. Seventeen-and-a-half years ago, we broke it off because of lives going in separate directions. We were high schoolers after all. Seventeen years ago, I began my love/hate relationship with the Army, which I still have a lot of love/hate moments with. About that same time, I fell in love with a midwestern farmer’s daughter (okay, her dad was a financial planner in Milwuakee) and started a long distance relationship that lasted nearly four years. Then I found out she had been seeing my best friend, at the time. Fourteen years ago, I fell in love with someone that very well could have been my soulmate, but she couldn’t make up her mind. Me or someone that treated her like personal property rather than a person. I made the decision when I walked away. Thirteen years ago, I became awestruck with a tall midwestern farmer’s daughter (okay, her dad worked for Frito Lay as a route salesman for thirty years). Married a year later and then separated late last year, we had two kids together in that time, while I spent a great deal of time away from home for the Army mission. She needed companionship that she didn’t feel she had with me and so this year, I’m again single. I’ve gotten back up and back into the saddle again enough times to know that I will not say “Nevermore”. But, I know that I’m a bit more jaded about relationships, a little more guarded, though I know a few of you who know me will argue that point. You’ll say I’m not guarded enough. Tomato, Tomahto.  I guess my point is that I am glad of the many things I’ve learned about relationships. I regret some of the mistakes I’ve made, but I have learned from each of them. So, now I wait to see what the future holds and hope that I can make it out of here intact. Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all! I hope it’s a sweet one for you!

~ by kyodan75 on February 14, 2012.

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